I just don't know....

 Ooof... I think I'm hormonal! I was extra sad about Flecky today. And... spiraling about the horses. I'm trying not to, but... I am. She didn't run from me when I caught her, even after I had to throw the halter at Dan because he was being an ass about the cookies. But then on the whole trailer ride to Ashland she 

I rode Funny this morning and then when I got home, Mike was about to take a nap so I took the opportunity to turn back around and go back to Ashland with Lyric. I really wanted to ride her but felt like a nice hack was our best choice since we lunged yesterday and I didn't want to push her. So that's what I did. She didn't run from me when I caught her, even after I had to throw the halter at Dan because he was being an ass about the cookies. But then on the whole trailer ride to Ashland she was biting at the chest bar and then licking and chewing. Sigh.. I don't know what that means?? It looks like a self mutilation thing...maybe it's cribbing? A wierd form of cribbing? 

We got to Ashland and got tacked up and then Kelli texted and said she was on her way. So I headed out to the XC field. Kirsten had set up the working equitation obstacles for a free play day again so I was tempted to take Lyric for a spin, but since Kelli was coming, I decided to wait for her. I knew she wanted to play on them too. So we walked through that area and headed to the field. We walked in the woods to the middle of the field and then walked down behind the water complex and up the hill and then back towards the obstacles. By then Kelli had arrived and was about to head that way so we meandered back over there and got started on the obstacles. 

She was pretty brave and did the weave poles fine. She walked around the circles on the ground fine. Then we walked up to the bar table with a teapot on it and she was good.. until I slid the teapot on the table and it made a screeching noise. She jumped and spun away from it. Unfortunately, since she's 17 hands I'm at a disadvantage because she's so much taller than most WE horses and I got slung over her neck. I was hanging on by the reins and was sooooo close to coming off. To the point of almost bailing because it was so close, but I chose to instead use the bit and rein as leverage and pull myself back upright. Sorry girl! But dangit I'm not coming off twice at the WE obstacles! Ugh. Of course then she was super scared of it. So we settled down and went back to the easier ones for a bit. She was good for the bell... even rung it a little bit with her nose. But she was not a fan of the garoccha pole in the metal barrel. It was loud and clangy. And then I was able to get the pole finally but I touched her side with it and she almost spun out from under me again. Easy girl, easy! We managed to settled down and I got her to sniff the pole and get cookies a few times. So we were even able to spear the hoop twice! She didn't mind that, but it was hard to get her to get close to the hoop because she was constantly curved away from the pole on her side. Hee hee. Oh well, We'll get there. She did the gate pretty well although she struggles with side passing but we did get it. And then we went back to the tea kettle and got close and she touched the table a few times. I was finally able to pick it up and put it back on the table without her freaking out. But she was still untrusting of it. So then I let her trot the slalom poles and she did great and we trotted around the field a bit. She was rooty and fussy and braced, especially tracking left. She felt slightly choppy and wanted to be inverted. I didn't know if it was because she was anxious from the obstacles or just anxious in general or hurting or what. So.. we just sat for a bit and then waited on Kelli and Marvin to be done. 

We headed out to the XC field and I did some trotting out there. I wanted to see if I could get her to relax and feel her out. She did settle at the trot and was more willing to be soft and we had some nice moments, but she was still stiff tracking right and wanting to counterbend. I picked up the canter and she was a bit "frantic" feeling about it. She was wanting to rush and hollow. So I didn't do much.. just enough to get her to soften a tiny bit and then back to trot. We did finish with a nice trot back towards Marvin. Unfortunately in that short time period of trotting in the obstacle field and the XC field, she tripped up front and fell out behind at least 7 times. Sigh... And she's forging like crazy at the walk, and a little bit at the trot today too. Both feet, not just one side. Sigh. 

We then finished out trail ride. It was getting late so we just walked around the lake and headed back home. She was relaxed and happy on the trail and felt more even in her front end and more willing to walk. She didn't feel quite so stabby, but obviously isn't really striding out as she was forging. But.. it was at least nice to get out on the trails with her. She did trip once or twice just on a loose rein walking. the terrain. 

Sigh... I don't know. Part of me wants to take her to Dr. Brown and see if it's just bilateral bursitis. Which would fit with the short stride up front, the lameness up front, the unwillingness to go the other day in my lesson. But, maybe it's ulcers... maybe some of the behaviors is ulcers.. the reluctance to go foward, the stabby front end, the bucking, the rooting, the nervous lip tic, the biting at the chest bar in the trailer...  Or.. maybe it's severe ECVM and no matter what I do or keep chasing... she's just going to be painful and neurologic. I don't know. And I don't know how much more I can keep spending to try to figure it out. I guess I'll start giving her sucralfate before I ride and/or trailer and see what happens. I'll keep riding but mostly do trails. I'll keep doing the groundwork. And then, after the holidays.. I'll either take her to Dr. Brown or Dr. Barrow and then see what they say. And then.. maybe I just trail ride her at the walk only once a week or so and give her a year of just that and then reassess??? I don't know. I don't know what to do for her. I don't want to make her sore and unhappy but I also don't want to not try to make her comfortable. And I worry that if I don't do things for her, she'll fall apart.