No better.... sigh....

 Well damn.... She's had over a week off from her injections. She got injected on Friday... and then I was gone the following Thursday through Sunday... So I tried to ride yesterday. I lunged first because it's been a week and my back is still tenuous. And she was fine, but... looked about the same on the lunge. Not really willing to go forward... putzy. I could push her and she moved out a little more willingly than previously but... still fairly putzy. And her canter was pretty awful... very heavy on the forehand. 

So... I was planning on taking Funny to Ashland and waiting another day to ride Lyric but then I had to wait on the plumber, so... I ended up just hopping on Lyric. I figured that way I could make sure my back was okay to ride before I took Funny all the way to Ashland. So... we hopped on. 

 

I hand walked her to the arena and then got on. We walked around and it was fine. So then I picked up the trot. And yay! Thank you God I can trot without it hurting. But... she didn't feel great. She was chompy and grindy and unhappy and rooty. I tried to work her through it... I tried to get her to stretch and to motor out. And... meh.. she just felt icky still. She didn't feel lame though, which is nice. So... I eventually gave up. I wasn't quite brave enough to attempt a canter, especially given how heavy it looked on the lunge. 

We headed back home and on the way home I was checking my saddle and it felt very low on her. So when we got back to the trailer I looked and... the jump saddle is WAY narrower than the dressage. WAY narrower. So.. maybe that's part of my problem. I know she hates wide saddles. So... I thought, well.... let's just compare apples to apples. So I tacked her back up in the jump saddle and hopped on and we walked back up to the arena. I was hopeful that maybe she would be better, but... no. And honestly, she was maybe worse because now she was really rooting and felt lame again. Sigh...

 

I just want to cry. After doing the whole horse dissection with Sharon May Davis and Rexos.... I'm a bit more traumatized. That horse sounded exactly like Lyric... exactly like her. Same symptoms more or less. And he wasn't that lame... not with rest and time off. But seeing all his pathology. And I know... just because he has only 5 lumbars and over riding lateral facets, doesn't necessarily mean he's painful enough to euthanize, but.... he wasn't getting better. And he was unhappy, but he was a good soul so he was trying. And that's Lyric. So.... now I'm concerned that she has ECVM and all the issues that come with it. And... I just am struggling with pushing her. She's obviously unhappy with her grinding and chomping... so.... how fair is it to keep asking her?? Though she does seem happy on long trail rides on the buckle. And she was better in my Liz lesson. So.... argh. I don't know. I'm still struggling with that whole weekend and what it means in my head. I'm still processing. And... I just don't know what to do. 

When do I give up? Where do *I* draw the line? What's *my* limit? And... where do I consciously decide what is fair or not? How do I even know? Sigh... 

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